If i was there on the titanic at the atlantic ocean where there is heaps of icebergs and i saw what was going to happen i would tell captain smith to wake up.
Because he would be sleeping while two men outside. Are looking for icebergs but then one of
the men could see an iceberg and ms titanic was going so
fast it even had 6100 horse power then i would be on the deck checking if the men called out to me for help
and tell captain smith to shut down the eng2ine. So it could slow down instead of turning the boat and be Able to get a enormous hole on the side of Mr]s titanic.
And sink in the sea but i think shutting it down. And the tip.
of the titanic hit the iceberg. And rebound from the iceberg or till the crew slow down the
titanic if there is a iceberg in the front of us and the nip the iceberg instead of crashing into the iceberg.
It was a cold night with everyone on the titanic. A crew of passengers were so drunk and did bad things after a couple hours later we all heard a noise of we were all scared about the ship sinking there were not many life boat to go on. The captain sateki was so worried that many families will die because of me “ oh no It was all my fault. some people was afraid to go on the lifeboat because they might die but if they stay on the titanic they will also die as well. So some gentlemen was carrying ladies & kids on life the boats.
There is a lot of detail here, Night. That's good! One thing you could do to help make it easy for a person reading your story here is to read it out loud to yourself and see if you run out of breath. This is why the comma (which looks like this: ,) and the full-stop (which looks like this: .) are so important. They help your reader to take little breaks and to think about what you've just told them.
ReplyDeleteTake care not to include details that aren't important to the story. If the passengers did "bad things", what were they? By answering that question to yourself, you can decide whether it fits your story or whether you need to leave it out.
Thank you for identifying why and how the Titanic struck the iceberg. A great example of cause and effect.